Gay Marriage in Iowa Turns Five!

It has been exactly five years since the Iowa Supreme Court issued its unanimous ruling in the Varnum v. Brien case. That's the court case that struck down Iowa's DOMA law and made it so that same-sex couples could get legally married in this state. My blog was still over at Beliefnet at that point and this was my immediate reaction back on April 3, 2009:

Good news!  Iowa's Supreme Court affirmed a lower court ruling striking down the state's DOMA law.  In less than a month, all couples -- mixed-gender or same-sexed -- will be able to obtain marriage licenses!

What this doesn't mean: Churches and ministers will not be forced to marrry gay couples.  They are not forced to marry any straight couple right now and this will not change.  Churches can set whatever wedding policy they want: no weddings; only weddings for members; only weddings for members or family members of members; only weddings for members of their denominations or faith; etc.  If First Congregation United Church of Christ in Anytown, IA, decides that it doesn't want to marry Jim & Jerry, nothing can force them to do this.

What this means: I'm engaged to my husband, Mark!  No specific plans currently exist, but we are going to get a marriage license to protect ourselves and our children.

Even with a DOMA law in place, we were able to wed at my church, Faith United Church of Christ, back in 1997.  It was a purely symbolic ceremony.  Even if the state wasn't going to recognize our union, it was important to both of us to find a church that was willing to unite us as a couple.

The church honors our marriage.  Our state doesn't.  Still doesn't until we obtain a license.

Now we have the opportunity to become legally married.  We will definitely do a "justice of the peace" type ceremony.  We want to make it clear to anyone and everyone that this license has nothing to do with God, with the church, or with religion.  It's a license that offers specific state-honored rights and responsibilities.

It is possible that we will hold a follow-up religious wedding.  That's still being considered.  But we already did that nearly 12 years ago.

Either way, it's an exciting day for us and many other Iowans!!!!

Pretty much everything that I said back then remained true -- though we did end up having a second church wedding instead of a "justice of the peace" ceremony.

I must have had a planned vacation day back then. I remember that I was at the gym that day when I heard the news. I was getting dressed following my work-out and shower and I remember watching that portion of the news-cast in that crowded locker room.

I remember going with Husband Mark and the boys to the UI Pentacrest that afternoon and celebrating at an impromptu marriage equality rally. My pastor and his wife were there. Several of the families from my now-defunct gay parenting group were there. It was a lot of people cheering and celebrating and planning ahead for some not-too-distant moment when we would be able to get legally married.

Iowa was an important victory. We're this small state in the middle of the country and nobody ever thinks of us as a gay anything state. And then we became the 3rd state in the nation to allow gay marriage. People were like, "Wow! If it could happen in Iowa then it can happen anywhere!" -- And it has!

Since then, same-sex marriage has spread across the country. It's in 17 states plus Washington DC plus several American Indian tribes plus it's pending in several other states -- plus there are four other states with fairly comprehensive civil union/domestic partnership laws. Let's face it. A lot has happened in five years!

Congratulations Iowa on achieving this milestone!