Late last month, I received notice that a group of Harding University students had published a review of Marin's book, Love Is an Orientation, on the Churches of Christ international newspaper, The Christian Chronicle.
Titled "Don't Condone, Don't Combat," Boverie, Johns, Marcum, and Prior's review asked readers how they as Christians (because, let's face it, they don't believe that LGBTQ people can actually be Christians) should respond to members of the LGBTQ communities who are present within their social, political, and religious circles. The answer that they get from the book is that Christians much love LGBTQ people despite our "sin":
Marin sheds light on the current conversations in Christianity by taking the reader on that journey, too — showing us the disdain these individuals have felt from Christians for too long. He never condones their lifestyle, nor does he attempt to combat anyone’s beliefs concerning homosexuality. Instead, he simply demonstrates that they, too, need to hear the Gospel, need to be shown love and need to understand that there’s a place for them in the church.They go on to assert that their love is to become their ministry.
Which is technically what Marin's Love Is an Orientation is about. But I feel that the Harding University students missed the boat when they wrote that Marin never condones our lifestyle. The part that they missed is that he didn't condemn our lifestyle either. He celebrated our families and our marriages and attended our weddings when invited and welcomed us as is.
Marin also cautioned Christians against using words like "lifestyle" when writing or talking about the LGBTQ communities.
I pondered this article and then decided to use my history with Andrew and add more to this review. Here is what I wrote in the comments:
I've been one of Andrew's friends for well over a decade. I even appear on his Love is an Orientation DVD curriculum (which you can also get on Amazon). Andrew was purposeful about not condoning LGBTQ people and our various lifestyles. He didn't condemn them either. He is a firm believer in accepting people where they're at. My husband and I and our kids have stayed at his home. He and his wife attended and celebrated our wedding ten years ago this coming January. In fact, they have both been very good friends to members from all corners of the LGBTQ communities for a very long time -- even as he tried keeping the Marin Foundation officially neutral. As a married gay Christian dad, I worry that other Christians spend way too much time trying to figure out how to "reach" members of the LGBTQ communities. My advice? Don't make us into your project. If you want to be friends with us, then actually become friends with us. Don't try figuring out the right time to tell us that our lifestyle (whatever that might look like) is sinful. And realize that the LGBTQ community has spent the past 40 years being told that we don't belong in the Church. And we've largely listened to you. You might never bring us to the Church. But don't assume that we have to give up our own families and loved ones in order to be part of the Church.For nearly two weeks, mine was the only comment following that book review. More recently, several people have written about the flaws of Marin's approach and about the sin of homosexuality. The general opinion of anyone who wasn't a gay person in that group of comments that that we don't belong to the church and that any attempt at connecting with us -- especially within the context of the church -- was unBiblical.
Which annoyed me. So I've written one final comment following that book review and hope that these conservative Christians will consider them next time they disregard homosexuality as one big pile of sin:
The biggest problem that I have with most of the Christian church when it comes to LGBTQ people is that it views us all equally bad. It doesn't matter if I'm at home with my husband or if hanging in a sling in a sex dungeon and abusing meth. It's all treated as equivalent. And that's why you'll never truly connect to the LGBTQ communities. You have no perspective. And we can tell.I'm sure that Love Is an Orientation seems revolutionary to Christian students who've grown up isolated from the LGBTQ communities. But the book is over a decade old. The larger Christian community has continued to move beyond this non-affirming/non-condemning message. The LGBTQ communities has continues to move beyond this non-affirming/non-condemning message. Heck, even the Marin Foundation moved enough past this non-affirming/non-condemning message -- enough so that the group essentially folded. I'm hopeful that these kids can stop viewing us as mission projects and learn to actually recognize the beauty of our lives, loves, and families.