(Originally written on 10/28/12): It's been a really busy weekend, which has negatively affected my ability to update the blog. I thought I would post a clip featuring Timothy Kurek and his new book "The Cross in the Closet". I have heard a few interviews about this man, his year-long project to come out to everyone and pose as a gay man, and the book that resulted from this project. I have mixed thoughts on the concept, though I feel better about everything since listening to a couple different interviews with Mr. Kurek. I will be reading Kurek's book during the next couple weeks and plan on posting my reactions here. In the meantime, check out the following clip and feel free to share your own thoughts and opinions in the comments section:
Enjoy!
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Updated on 11/16/12: I finally got around to reading Timothy Kurek's new book "The Cross in the Closet" earlier this week. It was an okay book. But I think I got caught up in the promotional hype surrounding this book and its premise -- the idea of a straight Christian coming out to everyone in his life and living the next year of his life posing as a gay man.
Here was my biggest problem with the book -- I couldn't buy the premise. I just re-read the part where Kurek decides to come out of the closet as a gay man (and in the process go into the closet as a straight man). A karaoke friend tells him that her parents have disowned her because she's a lesbian. She's crying her heart out and he's internally debating how to proselytize to her. She leaves before he gets a chance to tell her to turn or burn, but the conversation begins a reflective moment where Kurek realizes that he would've been a big jerk by responding in that manner.
It's at this moment that Kurek decides that he needs to walk a mile (or a calendar year) in his lesbian friend's shoes and play gay. He will come out to his friends, his family, his church pastor, everyone as a gay man so that he can better understand the struggles that gay people go through.
I've re-read that section of the book a few times and I honestly still don't see how he makes the leap from feeling bad for his lesbian friend and pretending to assume a gay identity.
Regardless, the book goes through his year of gay identity. Only a handful of people know his secret: a straight friend and his wife who provide occasional spurts of encouragement; an aunt who provides inside information about how the family is processing Kurek's coming out (I learned this from a radio interview -- I don't recall actually reading about this in the book); a gay acquaintance who poses as Kurek's boyfriend and helps him learn how to socially interact with gay men; Mel White of Soulforce; Jay Bakker of Revolution Church; and a apparently a few other people from other communities. Otherwise, everyone else thinks that Kurek is actually gay, including is parents, his brother, his sister-in-law, and his pastor.
The purpose of this experience -- outside of developing empathy -- is to help Kurek and his future readers learn about the life of a gay man. This is what I learned about being gay through Kurek's filter. I learned that being gay means hanging out at bars and coffee shops on a nearly nightly basis; developing borderline alcoholic habits; flirting, hugging, and kissing any and all gay friends; and occasionally going to protests or support groups. At least, Kurek joined a gay softball league during his gay summer (recruited one night while he was hanging out at the bar). Otherwise, I'm not sure he'd have seen any gay person or family outside of a dance club or Soulforce vigil.
I'm not saying that there aren't gay people who don't lead their lives like Tim did and maybe that's how Timothy Kurek the Gay Man would have actually lived his life. But, considering that I imagine that this book reaches out to Christian audiences more than gay audiences, I worry about what Kurek is subtley communicating to straight Christian readers about gay people with this book.
I'm also surprised how almost none of his new gay friends were upset his Kurek following his year-long deception, based off the descriptions within the book. His family was livid when they found out about being duped. Those reactions felt real.
The reactions of his gay friends didn't. They responded with statements like "We are all liars here... How is your lie any different?" or "Thank you!... You cared so much that you'd make such a mess of your life, just to understand" or "I have never in my life felt so loved by a straight Christian... You are going to be a force of love and grace for this community." I have a hard time imagining that his new gay (and sometime closeted) friends would consistently thank him for having a huge heart after spilling their secrets to him under false pretenses for twelve months. It doesn't make sense.
The last thing that really bugged me about this book were the numerous editing errors. Words would be forgotten or obviously phonetically misspelled. Phrases would halted mid-sentence. And one poor guy's name kept switching from Ben to Lance and then back to Ben. This last example happened twice in the book: once when he was introduced and then towards the end of the book when Kurek came out as straight to all of his gay friends. I understand editing mess-ups. I live for them here on this blog. Then again, this is a hobby blog. I don't get paid for it and I don't have an editor.
I apologize if I'm overly negative with this review and I certainly encourage (as always) anyone to share their positive reaction to Kurek's book and his experiment. A few of my online Christian gay friends read the book and came away with much more positive reactions to Timothy Kurek's book.
One online friend found this to be an inspiring project. He believes that this was the only way that Kurek could learn to positively relate to gay people and he thought the book was a great way for Kurek to share the emotional roller-coaster that he experienced. He told me that he supports Kurek and "The Cross in the Closet" 100%.
Another online friend found Kurek "to be sincere in his desire to confront and remove the hatred in his heart and grow as a Christian." He believes that this book is a "must-read" for Christians, LGBTs, and LGBT Christians who find themselves struggling with our current culture war. (This guy also found himself distracted by the spelling and grammatical errors, but not as badly as me.)
Have you read "The Cross in the Closet"? What was your reaction to it? And even if you haven't read the book, what do you think about Kurek's yearlong project with the gay community?![]()
Enjoy!
Here was my biggest problem with the book -- I couldn't buy the premise. I just re-read the part where Kurek decides to come out of the closet as a gay man (and in the process go into the closet as a straight man). A karaoke friend tells him that her parents have disowned her because she's a lesbian. She's crying her heart out and he's internally debating how to proselytize to her. She leaves before he gets a chance to tell her to turn or burn, but the conversation begins a reflective moment where Kurek realizes that he would've been a big jerk by responding in that manner.
It's at this moment that Kurek decides that he needs to walk a mile (or a calendar year) in his lesbian friend's shoes and play gay. He will come out to his friends, his family, his church pastor, everyone as a gay man so that he can better understand the struggles that gay people go through.
I've re-read that section of the book a few times and I honestly still don't see how he makes the leap from feeling bad for his lesbian friend and pretending to assume a gay identity.
Regardless, the book goes through his year of gay identity. Only a handful of people know his secret: a straight friend and his wife who provide occasional spurts of encouragement; an aunt who provides inside information about how the family is processing Kurek's coming out (I learned this from a radio interview -- I don't recall actually reading about this in the book); a gay acquaintance who poses as Kurek's boyfriend and helps him learn how to socially interact with gay men; Mel White of Soulforce; Jay Bakker of Revolution Church; and a apparently a few other people from other communities. Otherwise, everyone else thinks that Kurek is actually gay, including is parents, his brother, his sister-in-law, and his pastor.
The purpose of this experience -- outside of developing empathy -- is to help Kurek and his future readers learn about the life of a gay man. This is what I learned about being gay through Kurek's filter. I learned that being gay means hanging out at bars and coffee shops on a nearly nightly basis; developing borderline alcoholic habits; flirting, hugging, and kissing any and all gay friends; and occasionally going to protests or support groups. At least, Kurek joined a gay softball league during his gay summer (recruited one night while he was hanging out at the bar). Otherwise, I'm not sure he'd have seen any gay person or family outside of a dance club or Soulforce vigil.
I'm not saying that there aren't gay people who don't lead their lives like Tim did and maybe that's how Timothy Kurek the Gay Man would have actually lived his life. But, considering that I imagine that this book reaches out to Christian audiences more than gay audiences, I worry about what Kurek is subtley communicating to straight Christian readers about gay people with this book.
I'm also surprised how almost none of his new gay friends were upset his Kurek following his year-long deception, based off the descriptions within the book. His family was livid when they found out about being duped. Those reactions felt real.
The reactions of his gay friends didn't. They responded with statements like "We are all liars here... How is your lie any different?" or "Thank you!... You cared so much that you'd make such a mess of your life, just to understand" or "I have never in my life felt so loved by a straight Christian... You are going to be a force of love and grace for this community." I have a hard time imagining that his new gay (and sometime closeted) friends would consistently thank him for having a huge heart after spilling their secrets to him under false pretenses for twelve months. It doesn't make sense.
The last thing that really bugged me about this book were the numerous editing errors. Words would be forgotten or obviously phonetically misspelled. Phrases would halted mid-sentence. And one poor guy's name kept switching from Ben to Lance and then back to Ben. This last example happened twice in the book: once when he was introduced and then towards the end of the book when Kurek came out as straight to all of his gay friends. I understand editing mess-ups. I live for them here on this blog. Then again, this is a hobby blog. I don't get paid for it and I don't have an editor.
I apologize if I'm overly negative with this review and I certainly encourage (as always) anyone to share their positive reaction to Kurek's book and his experiment. A few of my online Christian gay friends read the book and came away with much more positive reactions to Timothy Kurek's book.
One online friend found this to be an inspiring project. He believes that this was the only way that Kurek could learn to positively relate to gay people and he thought the book was a great way for Kurek to share the emotional roller-coaster that he experienced. He told me that he supports Kurek and "The Cross in the Closet" 100%.
Another online friend found Kurek "to be sincere in his desire to confront and remove the hatred in his heart and grow as a Christian." He believes that this book is a "must-read" for Christians, LGBTs, and LGBT Christians who find themselves struggling with our current culture war. (This guy also found himself distracted by the spelling and grammatical errors, but not as badly as me.)
Have you read "The Cross in the Closet"? What was your reaction to it? And even if you haven't read the book, what do you think about Kurek's yearlong project with the gay community?
